


The Most Painful Way of Moving On

by skylanterns



Category: SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kyomoto Taiga - Freeform, M/M, idk how to tag this really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:46:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28887057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skylanterns/pseuds/skylanterns
Relationships: Kyomoto Taiga & Matsumura Hokuto
Kudos: 4





	The Most Painful Way of Moving On

Hokuto trudged through the dirt path that led to the lighthouse. With the afternoon light, it was casting a giant shadow. The tall structure loomed above him, as if it knew how powerless he was against it. Hokuto hated it. He hated it for a long time. But it's been thirty years. Life had moved on, and so should he.

* * *

_ Eight year-old Taiga gave him a toothy smile, holding his hand and running to the newly-built lighthouse at the top of the cliff. _

_ "C'mon, let's climb it together!" _

_ "I don't think we should…" _

_ "You're such a scaredy-cat!" _

* * *

Holding a bouquet of flowers, he approached the rusty fence that barely stood at the edge of the cliff. He kneeled on one knee, and gently placed the bouquet on the ground before him. He was quiet for a while, just listening to the sound of waves crashing through the bottom of the cliff, and feeling the gentle breeze that lightly ruffled his hair.

He began to speak, "Ne, Taiga." His words, barely above a whisper, seemed like he was letting out a secret. "Are you doing well?" Louder this time, Hokuto even managed to smile, but he was convinced that it was a bitter one.

* * *

_ "I just got a great idea, Hokuto!" Taiga looked at him earnestly, waiting for his reply. _

_ "Haaa… What is it? Can you just… haaa… let me breathe… for a second?" Huffing, Hokuto plopped down on the floor. _

_ "Mou, you're so weak! You should get muscles!" Taiga proudly showed his arms after. Hokuto couldn't see "muscles" in them, though. _

_ "Well anyway," Taiga started, "We should make this our fort! Some sort of a secret base, you know?" _

_ Hokuto looked at him flatly, "The top of the lighthouse is not the best place to call it a 'secret'." _

_ Taiga just waved him off and continued, "Don't sweat the small details! How about we go here everyday?" _

_ Hokuto was about to rebut but stopped himself. He knew he couldn't win against Taiga. He just settled on sighing. _

* * *

Hokuto spread a piece of cloth on the ground and proceeded to sit on it. He rummaged through his bag, and held out a piece of sandwich. He broke it into two pieces and put half beside the flowers.

"Look, I brought your favorite. Tomato sandwich~" he singsonged, waving the other half in front of him. 

"Remember when we used to bring food at the top? A seagull once stole your onigiri from you!" he chuckled to himself, and took a bite from the sandwich. He forced himself to chew and swallow. It's been so long, but he still didn't like tomatoes. But he couldn't show Taiga that.

"See? I like them now," he lied and forced a smile.

* * *

  
  


_ "Uh…" Taiga looked at Hokuto, hand raised, holding a tuna-mayo onigiri moments ago. The said onigiri was now in the beak of a passing seagull. _

_ Hokuto didn't know how to react. He should ask Taiga if he's okay, but he just sat there frozen, mirroring the latter's expression.  _

_ A beat. _

_ Another. _

_ "Pfft—" Taiga started laughing, and soon Hokuto joined him. They laughed till their sides hurt, and Hokuto was even banging the floor of the lighthouse with his fists. _

_ "The seagull… Hahaha… swooped… Hahaha… swooped…"  _

_ "It… Hahaha… Nyoomed…" _

_ "Was that… Haaa… even a word… Hahaha…" _

_ Their words were barely comprehensible, but the two twelve year-olds didn't care, what was more important was that they were laughing their hearts out at that exact moment, forever etched in their memories. _

* * *

"We sure talked a lot up there, huh?" Hokuto leaned back and stared up at the afternoon sky. Now that he thought about it, they looked at the same sky countless times. He could remember how they'd always wait for the sunset, and go down long after it's gone. He could remember how they stayed for too long once when the lighthouse was broken.

* * *

_ “Well, we should be going by now.” Taiga lifted himself up to stand. He looked at his watch and his eyes widened, “Oh no, my mom’s gonna throw a fit!” _

_ “Wait Taiga, shouldn’t the lighthouse be lit up by this time?” _

_ Taiga seemed to think for a moment and agreed. Usually the lighthouse was lit up minutes after the sun had set, illuminating the path that the two of them used to get home.  _

_ Hokuto started to walk to the staircase when Taiga exclaimed, “Uwaaah! Look at all those stars!” _

_ Hokuto turned around and stared at the sky where Taiga was looking at. It was true; with no cloud in sight, the night sky was filled with faint lights, twinkling a little. _

_ Both of them ended up staying a bit more, trying to pinpoint constellations. _

* * *

Hokuto stood up and approached the door of the lighthouse. He pulled the door open with a little difficulty because of the years of unuse. Inside, it was as if he went back to the past. Not much had changed, except for the peeling paint that covered the rusting staircase. He remembered how they climbed up and down those a thousand times. Now, for the first time in so many years, he took the first step up the spiral staircase that was all too familiar to him. 

His strength was not how it used to be. The way up was excruciating, with his joints screaming in agony with every step. Once he reached the top, he collapsed and tried to regain his breath for a long time. He stood up after gaining control of his breathing. Stroking the doorknob to the gallery outside, he breathed deeply, as if preparing himself. Upon opening it, he saw himself.

* * *

_ The door opened, revealing a disheveled Taiga. "I've been looking all over for you! Why did you suddenly run away?" _

_ Hokuto didn't look up from curling on himself. "I don't want to talk right now." He could hear footsteps approaching, but didn't care. A warm hand landed on his shoulder.  _

_ "Your parents didn't confirm it, right? So the divorce shouldn't be true," Taiga tried to console him. _

_ Hokuto looked up from his arms that his friend thought he'd gotten a whiplash. He glared, "The likes of you would never understand." _

_ Taiga was taken aback by his statement. A little bit offended, "Excuse me?" _

_ Hokuto didn't even realize how Taiga looked, and continued to fire away, "You, with your little loving family, with your parents who never had a day of argument could never know what it feels to be in my shoes!" _

_ Taiga stood up and yelled, "I'm trying to console you right now and this is what you give me? Seriously?" _

_ The younger mimicked his actions and looked at the older in the eyes with such intensity, "I never asked anyone to console me!  _ Especially _ don't need it from you!" _

_ "W-what do you mean?" Taiga was surprised Hokuto was lashing at him, at his best friend for years. _

_ "You're asking me? When you already know how much I wished to have a family like you! A family where there are no fights, no flying things, no bruises, no hate!" Hokuto was practically crying. _

_ But Taiga didn't stand back, "Well, I'm sorry I didn't ask to be born in a good family!" _

_ Taiga's statement was the last straw for Hokuto, and the latter pushed him so hard that the former's back hit the railings. The younger only intended to push him backward, but he didn't expect that the railings would give way and drop down to the cliff. Taiga slipped, but with Hokuto's fast reflexes, he caught his arm. _

_ "Taiga! Hold on, I'm gonna lift you up." Hokuto heaved, using both of his arms to lift his friend up.  _

_ Taiga looked down and saw the waves thrashing violently on the side of the cliff. His hands turned sweaty and he started panicking. "Hokuto, I don't want to fall!" _

_ "Just keep calm and hold onto me, okay?" Hokuto was trying to keep a straight face but he was panicking so much that he couldn't muster the strength to pull him up. He tried for a few minutes but he was losing his grip and strength. He was crying so much that he couldn't even see Taiga properly but still said, "Taiga, don't ever let go, you hear me? I'm gonna save you!" _

_ Taiga was crying too. He was so scared that he could not utter a single word. He knew Hokuto was trying, but he just couldn't carry the weight of a fifteen year-old. _

_ Just then, Hokuto's hand slipped. _

_ Taiga's life flashed before his eyes. _

_ The weight in his hands was gone but Hokuto felt like the weight of the world crashed down on his body. _

* * *

_ "Couldn't find the body..." _

_ "...last seen with that boy…" _

_ "...traumatized…" _

_ Hokuto couldn't get Taiga's face out of his mind. The utter image of horror on his face was forever etched in his mind. It was all his fault. All his. Taiga's parents couldn't even look him in the eye. He knew they were blaming him. Everyone was blaming him. He deserved it. All of it. _

* * *

Hokuto found himself on his hands and knees, tears streaming down his cheeks. The painful memories came crashing down like a waterfall. The emotions he tried to seal away for so many years came out of him like a leaky faucet. Before he knew it, he was in front of the edge of the gallery where Taiga fell.

"I'm sorry, Taiga. If only I was stronger." He removed the old, dusty barricade tape and put it aside, "If this is what it takes for you to forgive me, I'll gladly do it."

He took a step forward.


End file.
